did you know that bashing my music taste increases your chances of changing my opinion by 0%
I hate that you were thinking of me, with no reason to.
I hate that you were replaying our conversations.
I hate that you were the one to make the first move.
You’re back, but you’re not welcome.
30 minutes of Zumba every day.
Gym after school 4 days a week.
Walking to and from school.
Push ups and sit ups every night.
Because I want to feel good about myself.
I want all that good that’s on the inside to finally come out and show on the outside.
Because I don’t like the way they’re looking at me
I don’t like the way they’re talking like they’re taking pity
I’m tired of always being backed into a corner
I need to stop this before it goes any further
Why don’t you shut your mouth and back the fuck off
You’re acting all high and mighty and it needs to stop
I’m not going to pick up the pieces of you off the floor
So stop right there let me point you to the door
I’m not your therapist or your punching bag
Your conceited attitude has got me going mad
I’m not letting you drag me down to your height
Yeaaaaaaah, new lyrics!
This shit is copyrighted, don’t even think about it.
Inside my head I don’t have a pity party.
Yeah, I’m not okay, not at all. Yeah, I cry myself to sleep most nights. Yeah, I take a lot of things personally. Yeah, I feel very much alone (with the exception of my girls from work, my 16 hours away soul mate and my curly haired boy) I don’t have one place I belong. There is no family I fit with, no group that has a gaping hole when I am not around, but there are four hearts that I have a place in and that will be enough for me.
I have dreams, and I have never really thought myself capable of being able to achieve them. I live in Australia when the music and film industry is nothing compartted to LA or New York. More than that, I live in a little town too far from anything for me to matter.
It’s like I got a gift when I was born, a whole lot of heart and enought talent to work with to be the best. Right now I’m not the best, I can’t hit some notes, my style is a little off, I giggle on stage. I am a writer, and I am a performer; or at least - I will be.
I’ve had no confidence, no encouragment.
Well, I’ve decided I do not need someone to encourage me, I’ll do it myself.
For the past two weeks I have been watching my food, I have been working my butt of at the gym and in classes.
Next year, I will be in the city. I’ll be busking, joining in with extra curicular activities, writing my little heart out, playing my guitar.
Taking every opportunity and risking everything, because I hate living life unnoticed when I have so much to give.
The rest of this year is about me, about being all I can be, the best I can be. Being open and honest, not letting people hold me back, not being afraid.
I do hate that I don’t have a ‘home’ here, I hate that the only reason I will come back to this town are my parents, that I will not have friends waiting, that I won’t have happy memories to hold onto (unless curly stays).
That’s just life, though. Life is hard, and in life nothing is given to you on a silver plater until you’ve earned it. So, I will earn it. Everything I want, I am going to work for it, and I am going to earn it, and I am going to get it.
This time it’s about me.
I’m going to be comfortable in my own skin.
I’m not going to be ashamed, or afraid.
It’s going to be a hard road, but I can get there, I can do this.
I can do anything I want.
This is my life, my story. It’s time for me to write it.